Yesterday’s post talked about closely held beliefs and I wanted to think about some that I have had that I may be letting go. The next few posts I write will be on this subject – closely held beliefs.
I was one of those people that believed in the American Dream, that if you just worked hard and did what you’re supposed to do then you can achieve everything you want. I don’t think I agree with this anymore.
I grew up in the “traditional” American home. A two-parent household where our mom stayed at home. Dad was home every evening by 5:30 and life was good. Both parents had gone to college, education was important, books were in the house and we were expected to help around the house. We had a good foundation. We were also taught that we could do whatever we wanted to as long as we set our minds to it. We heard this a lot. When we said, “I don’t know how to do…” whatever it may have been we didn’t know how to do we were told, “Well, you won’t learn any younger.” It took me awhile to understand what that meant – I was a little slow.
With this upbringing it was easy to see that we really could have what we wanted if we just worked hard. And when we didn’t work hard, we didn’t get what we wanted. I didn’t work hard at college and I flunked out twice. When I did dedicate myself to school I got all As. See, if we just worked hard we could achieve.
In the workplace the same thing played out. When I finally decided to work hard, I achieved and started moving up in the company even without that college education. I had a good, successful career.
However…
As I read more, as I experienced more, as I talked to more people, traveled to more places I realized that “pulling yourself up by your boot straps” was not always possible. Some people don’t have boots. Some people don’t have much of anything. They don’t have two parents in the house, they don’t have books in the house, expectations weren’t there because what was there to expect. Stable housing wasn’t even an expectation. How do these kids live the American Dream?
Some have said to me when we have this type of conversation, “Well, what about your wife? She came to this country and made herself successful.” This is true, and if you knew her full story you would be shocked and amazed she’s even here on this planet, let alone thriving and happy. So yes, she pulled herself up by her boot straps coming from seemingly nothing. But wait…what was her foundation? Two parent household with the mom always in the home – yup. Books in the house – yup. Education an expectation – yup. Stable housing – yup. Huge support system from friends and family – yup. It seems she had the same foundation as I did, just in a different country. She had a foundation that many kids in our country do not get. This formed who she was and allowed her to overcome many obstacles.
There are many stories of folks who grew up with absolutely nothing and rising to great heights. These stories are inspiring and I love hearing them. But you have to wonder how many stories are out there where people would love to pull themselves up but just don’t have the tools. It’s not as easy as my mom said, “You can do anything you want as long as you want to bad enough.” I realize this now. That closely held belief is not closely held anymore. Now I know people need help. We don’t put our boots on by ourselves. We need many hands pulling on the straps.
MattMunnell.com 